Misinterpretations of Grandeur…Epilogue

My feelings are valid...

When explaining my position, I would always find myself stating the obvious….my feelings are valid. This used to rub my ex the wrong way. But, here I am to share with you where I BE right now…

What is my favorite memory: There are many…but the ones that come to mind are: when I took him out for his birthday. I can still see the smile on his face. Or when he finished watching Semi-Pro and had me cracking up from the Jackie Moon song, “love me sexy”. Yep, that was our song. Or while going through some troubles he took me in his arms and let me cry.

What did he say that broke my heart? He said a lot of things, but the one thing that is here in my mind right now …is when he said to me the last time we spoke that he sees now how those men didn’t want to have anything to do with me. My exs

What did you do that broke their heart? I can never be completely sure. You would have to ask him. But, I do believe when I broke things off that hurt him and when I deleted him from my pages. However, I’m not sure if he was hurt about my deleting him because he wanted to be in my space or because it would make him look bad. Not sure.

Is there anything you would do differently? I would have spoken up sooner, voice my concerns….and I would have never deleted him from my online pages. Even though I could have attempted to add him back..deletions are final in ones mind.

What did he say that is unforgivable? No comment…

Have you forgiven yourself for not picking someone you can have a lasting relationship with? Hmm…this varies depending on the day. Sometimes I wish I never knew him, sometimes I yearn to be near him and sometimes I wish I still had him. So it’s hard to say.

Could you be fuck buddies if the person came up to you honestly and talked about what went wrong? Nah, I know too much and it was never just about sex with him.

Is there something you found out about yourself that you liked/loved and you wanna continue? I found out that I have the ability to love and I want to keep that with me always.

Is there something that you did just for him, but deep down you hated yourself for? Yes, there is something that I did just for him but I can’t say I hated myself for it. I’m a go with the flow type of girl by nature.

How do you feel about him now? I still love him..I don’t hate him. And, it is hurting me that he refuses to talk to me. I lost a friend. Sometimes I wonder what he is doing. I wonder if he is laughing, moved on, hates me etc.

How do you feel about you? I feel like I’m a walking open wound. I’m not ready for anything serious as far as a relationship and I won’t be for a very long time, if EVER. I haven’t given up on love though. I’m sure its possible but not in the cards for me at this time. Not enough emotions on deck to give to another person.

How did the kids react to all of this? I never talked to my kids about what happened, so in their eyes one day he just wasn’t there. It was confusing for them at first but I guess they get that he is not coming back. My boys never did express it but I could see they were hurt. However, as far as my daughter is concerned, he is still here. Just Sunday while setting my new dining room table for breakfast, my daughter told me that the extra chair was for Wob.

Do you still feel the same way about marriage? Yes. I still feel like marriage is not about changing your name, having a wedding (even though the idea of weddings to me is the bomb) or a ring. Marriage is about being committed to another person for life.

How do you feel about men: I don’t hate men. I never will.

Thank yous!!!

I want to thank everyone that came my way and either listened to me, offered advice or even yelled at me in love. J

My mother…she doesn’t know what went down between me and Rob, but she has always been that level headed rock in my life. Thank you and I will always appreciate your unconditional love.

My kids…some days they would see me cry and shower me with hugs, drawings, smiley faces and “I love yous” and “mom you are the greatest”. No matter what happens, mommy loves you.

Kiwi . Kali . Da Kween of Keys…listen you got me through a lot of tough times. And I know there were times when you had your own problems. But you never turned me away. You’ve cried with me, yelled at me, and all the while doing it in love. I thank you for being there for me and putting up with me. I love you.

Liz…distance didn’t take you out of my equation and I am so thankful for that. You were not here for most of this but you understood just the same. I am so happy that you are on your way back to the NYC. Thank you for the tough love and brainstorming phone calls. I love you and thank you.

Tommy…this man right here put up with some long rants, vent sessions and depressing days with me on IM and he is still here. He is so knowledgeable about so many things. And I’ve learned so much from you. Thank you and I love you.

Tracey…we are there …and here together. I treasure our friendship so much. Talk about showing up on time. I think we are each other’s angel that we needed in this life. I’m here for you and you are here for me. We are gonna get through. Love you!

Kim...I thank you for doing that special something for me. I never forgot it. Your strength is so incredible and I inspire to be stronger just like you. Thanks so much. Love you!

Celeste, Dionne, Dixie, Chi Chi, Niecee, LaTicia, Kena, Lee Lee, Caprice, Contro, yahoo 360, facebook fam, youtube fam, blogspot, twitter…

I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart.

If you have any other questions, advice or words of wisdom for me, please leave me a comment. Thanks so much for reading.

You can ask me anything...