BEWARE: Watch the Fight  

Posted by Butterfly Effect




When we are on good terms in a variety of different relationships (friend, lover, family), we never can fathom the unthinkable. The unthinkable in question today is ... you being the subject of their anger or misunderstanding. We will speak about fights today...the fights we can predict. The start of something new is always sweet and most times uninterrupted. You almost feel like nothing and no one can come between your bond or loyalty to that person. Depending on the level of the friendship we share, compare and encourage through similarities in our life walk. BUT..we never share everything. We always, most times unknowingly, leave out some of the button pushers, over the edgers and triggers that will set one OFF! And you know what, there is nothing wrong with that. Most times, we were not even aware it would anger us. This gives your friend and yourself the opportunity to learn that much more about you and what ticks you off.


Along the road certain situations, people and other outside elements come in your way as a test to your loyalty. Tests are always great when you can find yourself on the other side having passed with flying colors. But, unfortunately I've found that CERTAIN relationships don't stand the test of time when outside elements meet with our sometimes stubborn outlook on life. How do you predict the arguments? Watch the fight...Christiana paints a very vivid picture, by way of an real life example of how you can observe your friends. By observing you will find out if you want to get in DEEP with them, keep your distance or cut them off completely.


She betta preach!


You learn so much by just observing how your friends/lovers/family members fight. It may take you a minute to witness it. Stick around after the happy days. Pull up a chair on their worst days and watch carefully. I know it's hard to pull yourself away from that euphoric feeling you get because you are in GOOD with the person you love or adore. But, I challenge you to step back from it for a minute and put yourself in the opposing person's shoes. What do you see? Would you be able to handle the personal back slaps, verbal jabs and/or character assassination? Do they fight fair? I know what you are thinking...ummm...Joy, how do you fight fair? Yes, the point of the fight is to win the point or the physical challenge. However, in all fights there are always boundaries, no fly zones, if you will. OK, let's talk about this for a minute. A fair fight is one where both sides ACKNOWLEDGE, UNDERSTAND and RESPECT.... the stakes, the causes, the consequences, the boundaries and the rules. From personal experience, I will never allow myself to get close to another person that fights as if you are a stranger on the street. When their back is up against the wall, they pull out EVERY personal thing you've told them in the most disrespectful way. Even I had to learn to fight in a healthier way. We get blindsided by the need for revenge and we gather reinforcements. Not pretty. Relationship fighting may leave your opponent feeling defeated but you will not escape unscathed. Most times, NO one wins.


Now, after you have made an assessment of what you see, proceed accordingly. BELIEVE in what you see...KNOW that you are not above being in that very position if you trigger this person unknowingly. No matter how close you think you are to someone..EVEN family..you can one day be their enemy. Take heed my friends.



Make sure you check this young lady out...she is on point!
A great analyzer of our behaviors in friendships.



Source: http://www.youtube.com/user/Xiana87

**Subscribe to her channel, you will learn much!**

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The Dorothy Syndrome  

Posted by Butterfly Effect




We all know of its existence. What is "The Dorothy Syndrome"? The Dorothy Syndrome is an illness that blinds you of your own worth. You have everything you could ever need within your grasp, but you believe or have been made to believe you have to find external means or beings to bring you the necessities to survive. You go all around the world searching for that one thing you feel you need to make you happy or to allow you to move to the next level. The object of "need" is dangled in front of you like a rabbit chasing after a carrot stick. My boy Carswani made a joke about how Dorothy should have been angry with Glinda...check out the video...HILARIOUS.


LMAO..funny stuff right?!



Dorothy didn't know her strength to get her all the things she needed. Yes, Glinda could have just told her right off the bat. "Dorothy click your heels 3 times." But, I'm certain she would not have believed her ability because she felt the obstacle before her required more effort. She believed with her whole being that someone other than herself had to get her home. Also, Dorothy believed she needed to get home by ways her mind could imagine. Many times the answers to how we get to a certain level is not in the traditional ways. No one could have changed her mind no matter how many times they tried. Like me...



Due to society's views, judgments, and ideas, I felt I needed to be a certain status in order to be accepted. With this acceptance I felt people would see me, the real me instead of my circumstances. Even though we won't listen, God sends little messengers of all kinds to warn us not to take unnecessary journeys. Let's look at Dorothy for a minute. This girl walked the yellow brick road in the very vehicle she needed to get home. But, without faith and the belief in her own ability, the vehicle was useless. Along her journey to search for the Wizard, all those that graced her path were influenced positively. Still she was oblivious to her own ability to help herself. I believe true unveiling enlightenment comes in a tired spirit. You go all around the world trying to get others to help you do something that you had the ability to overcome the whole time. That can be tiring. In that worn out state, the aha moment is birthed in your conscious. And mine was birthed this way.



I don't need the paper to validate my marital status. I'm free. When God helped me get this apartment away from my husband, the battle was won. But, I continued to fight this man for legal documents that I never needed to take control of my life. I don't need designer clothes to define my worth in this world. No designer on this earth can tell the story of my life better than I can. I don't need a man to make me happy. I have the ability to create my own happy space. And I've learned so much more. HA! God is good. He sends messengers. We don't listen. He watches over us as we go on these journeys of self discovery. He is right there with us, protecting us. Once we realize that we've been sitting on the answers the whole time, He helps us understand the new found freedoms. Now, I won't say that "the Dorothy Syndrome" will never plague my life again. However, my feet are tired of these unnecessary journeys tread. I can only hope that from now on I will be able to pinpoint the lies, scams, and the misleading tales society tries to sell. Don't buy into them fam.


Maya Angelou says, "If someone shows you who they are, Believe them"
True indeed. And to add to that if I may...

Joy says, "If someone tries to convince you that you are worthless, don't believe them"

Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11BQQvVy8LI

2 comments

Life Savers Save!-Repost 4/11/09  

Posted by Butterfly Effect




The life saver was the opportunity to calm the sea of doubt that you do care, consider me, think of me, want to protect me, love me and won't stop at anything to show me.

You were drowning...

Instincts, love reflexes, enabled me in fear and longing to throw the life saver that you deliberately rejected..

You wanted to drown; this was your way of hurting me to the core...allowing you to hold on to your precious darkness that you love so much...

So, I used the precious life saver to save myself...

I couldn't help myself from nurturing, caring, loving; however I will do it in another space.

We can't exist in the same sound wave; eye glance or cyber space...

Darkness has taken over too many of my days; so we can not co-exist..

Maybe one fine day we can share; BUT only when you get your instincts and love reflexes in tune with me...

Next time...reach for the life saver...maybe you would still have me...


1 comments

let me tell you how blessed I am..  

Posted by Butterfly Effect




I'm here running a little late this morning with my errands, but with good reason. I have to bang out this blog. Everyday I realize more and more how much I'm blessed and how much I need to chill on being hard on myself.

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I'm blessed with my emotional feelings right there with me at all times for me to express. Because I allow myself to cry, laugh, anger, vent..etc., I can learn the lesson. When I look at those Haiti images, I get emotional so much so that I cry from the depths of my core. The great pain the Haitians are feeling are breaking color lines and prejudice boundaries. I'm also blessed enough to see that our children are very desensitized by many things they are exposed to in this life. They are desensitized in the sense of frivolous things, fake images of violence. They see it so much that they have no idea what those fake images represent in real life.


I'm blessed with knowledge, with the help of so many others, that sometimes you need to cut people out of your life that are causing you pain and/or holding you back. Because I'm pretty sure you are holding them back too. Oh yes..HALLELUJAH! don't look at me like that! You are holding that person back from their lesson, from their journey. We have to understand that we are not meant to travel on everyone's journey in life that comes across our path. We were supposed to get on the ride for a while...look...experience...learn...and leave. Period! And it's alright to feel anxiety and pain from this process, hence my first paragraph. Feel that pain..take it in. And I bet you will NEVER forget.


I'm blessed with being able to see myself. OH YESS! Thank you Jesus. I can see. I see the good, the bad, the right, the ugly, the wrong, the pretty, the lazy..EVERYTHING! And still learning more about myself everyday. I thank you God. This right here..is the biggest blessing of them all. People are walking around slaying others with their tongue, their words, their attitude mostly because they don't EVEN know who they ARE. If you knew that person in the mirror, you wouldn't do it! For example, a cousin of mine told me this morning that he called his father to confide in him. He told him that he got into some trouble because of his infidelity. And his father told him, "oh, I don't do things like that". A bold face ugly nasty stinky monkey doodle absurd LIE!!!!! This dude been running around with women his whole life. And even in his old age he is STILL running after young girls and he has a wife AT HOME. But, because he doesn't know who he IS...HALLELUJAH! Thank you Jesus...it's easy for him to say to his SON...this preposterous nonsense. HE can't SEE ISH!!! So God I thank you. I don't want tunnel vision; only seeing what is in front of me. Over there reading people let you KNOW them...and you don't even know who you ARE. Yall bout to make me go to church up in here...


I would love to write more; sharing my blessings with you all, but I have to run. Share some blessings that are shining down on your life. In closing....



A friend told me that my honesty is sooooo open, it's almost like I'm lying there spread eagle. And then he laughs. I'm not sure if he is laughing at me or with me. But, walk with me people. I'd rather be spread eagle letting my person get all the air and breeze by way of LIFE lessons it needs to survive, than to be all TIGHT not allowing the TRUTH to dwell in my dark spaces.


BE blessed....

2 comments

Mini Me...  

Posted by Butterfly Effect



My daughter has never been into dolls as much as she is now. While playing with her dolls today, my daughter gave me life. She was just enjoying herself today applying makeup to her Moxie doll she got for Christmas and every so often putting makeup on herself. Now I know why some parents push their kids. They may see a glimmer of interest in their kid's eyes for their dreams that never came to pass. Hope is not completely lost for me to fulfill my dream, and my baby girl helped me get my mind back on track to making my dreams a reality.


Our kids love to imitate us. Some of them find their true calling from watching mom and dad follow their dreams. Sometimes I doubt if my kids learn meaningful lessons from me. I know I learn so much from them and all the surrounding situations. We parents have to be careful not to get carried away and in turn choking the innocent interest and making them resentful of it. You've seen firsthand parents on the sidelines screaming at their kids; saying they need to do better in a not so encouraging way. We must keep the balance by providing healthy encouragement while allowing them to flourish at their own pace. Once you see them put it down in order to pick up another hobby, even for a minute, we must not push it down their throats. Allow them the growing space to make their way back to the love, if they want it. With this we must understand that they may never find that love again and that is quite alright. My youngest son's father almost killed his love for basketball by being overbearing and controlling. He started to slack off and would try to hide his practices and key games from him. When I would ask him why he didn't want his father there, he would imitate how angry he would get by how he yells at him. Due to his strong character, my son didn't walk away completely. He still plays basketball in little community tournaments. On the other hand, I think my oldest son's father killed his basketball dream. He hardly ever plays now, even for pure recreation. Children take after the parents for several reasons. The one we need to avoid is the one where they follow in your footsteps solely for your acceptance. My oldest wanted his father's attention desperately, but it wasn't worth his sanity. In turn, he walked away from it.


Now it's my turn. I allow my daughter to play in makeup if she wants and not force her for any reason. She watches me apply it to myself. But, I try not to let her see me in it every single day. I took notice of her saying things like. "she needs make up". When I asked her why, she said she wanted to be beautiful. After that, I didn't wear any makeup or let her see me apply it for a while. I drilled in her head that she was beautiful just the way she is, and I did this daily. Due to how makeup makes me feel good, she equated that to mean that I don't see myself as beautiful without it. I don't want her to get this idea. For me makeup enhances the beauty already there and/or brings those special features you like to the forefront. I take hiatuses from the makeup to show her that I'm not dependent on it.



Bottom Line: I think it would be so cool if she goes into the things of fashion and makeup artistry. I would be tickled by it and flattered at the same time. Because I know that I introduced her to the arts. And I hope I don't get carried away with trying to live my dreams through her and push her away in the process.



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