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Once I say what I need to say, I will commence to literally
cutting you out of my life. I must start to treat you like the cancer, the
tumor you have become. I will block you from the matrix; delete your videos, pictures
and text messages. I will ‘X’ you out of my life like the idea of YOU never
existed. Why? You have proven that not only do you not love me; you don’t
respect me enough to even grant me my one simple request, to leave me alone.
I’ve never wanted to add unnecessary drama to your life, be a burden, or cause
you pain. I’ve only spoken and nurtured life INTO you.
You speak of love as if it’s some flippant “good morning.
How you doing?” dance we humans do when we don’t want to REALLY know the truth. Am I mad at you? You speak to me in
such a trivial, elemental way; it’s so much deeper.
I need to heal. I need to get out of your way. You won’t
leave well enough alone. You speak so jubilantly because HEY you took no risk
“loving me”. You always had a REAL love all along. Well, now it’s time to get
you out of my life so I can finally get the love I really deserve, a love as
beautiful as my spirit.
You are destructive. You are manipulative. You are hazardous
to my mental, physical, and emotional health. You could care less about who I
am, what I’ve been through, or the relationship I have with darkness. I was
merely your plaything, your rest stop, your ‘something to do’ while you waited
for your next distraction, your next entertaining beautiful queen doll to
deaden your pain. Now, I’m just drowning in a sea of tears along with the other
women you’ve run over due to your reckless driving.
For whatever reason God doesn’t want me to come home yet, so
self-preservation has to be my main concern. It was nice being in your arms. It
was an honor to be in earshot of your beautiful laugh. My dear love, I thank
you for the laughs. That is what I think about often. The dance we shared will
never leave my dream world. Truth be told, I wanted to have your baby. I was
even thinking of getting my tubes untied. I started to form dreams and
fantasies of what his/her face would look like. But, I learned (thanks for
telling me) that you were actually playing with me, toying with me the whole
time because you were actually living a REAL life fantasy with someone else and
you were just torturing me, dangling the idea of us creating together. I cried
for days. I still cry. If you see me in the street or at any event, please walk
on by. No hard feelings. It was nice dreaming with you.
I pray your baby will be healthy and the mother will have a
healthy pregnancy. I pray this is your rib and I pray you do right by her. I
want you to be happy. That was all I wanted, but I got greedy and started to
ask for more knowing you couldn’t give it to me in a million years.
In closing, am I mad at you? Nah, I love you. I’m simply
suffering the painful consequences. Until the next life time in another realm,
my love..
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I want to thank Kiwi, Tommy, Celeste, Honey, Tracy, Charysse, Chante. I want to thank all those who helped put a smile on my face. I want to thank those who love me, appreciate me, lift me up and speak life into me. Lastly, I want to thank Luke James and that new album of his. Talk about good timing.
