Disclaimer: The views, beliefs, outlooks, and examples used are of my own experiences. They are not meant to offend; only to document what I need to remember for future reference. Let’s get into this…
The male ego seems to have grown so big these days that some men will stop at nothing to salvage it. I’ve even seen these egomaniacs display feminine ways. How far are you willing to go not to look yourself in the mirror? How far are you willing to go to make sure people THINK a certain way about you? How far are you willing to go to prove to yourself that you did nothing wrong in any way? How far are you willing to go to get what you want?
Now, don’t get me wrong. Crying is a way of life. Smiles are formed and tears flow. However, along with any emotion they can be used for selfish gain. Yep, even the male ego… It is in a woman’s nature to be soft, easy to express certain emotions. We are built that way. We may not cry everyday or in front of others but we do shed tears. Sometimes we shed so many tears we feel we may become dehydrated. Men cry too. And I believe there are many that have yet to shed a few and could seriously benefit from it. Like they say, crying can be cleansing. HOWEVER, with anything that can evoke an immediate reaction there are those that use it as a damage control tool, to get sympathy, to regain control, or simply to build up their ego. Let’s call this “tears with selfish motives”. The tears come from a real place, but are formed in an manipulative way. Some men even use it to get ass. No lie. I was once a victim of this crafty strategy. Be easy on me family. I have a big heart..lol Anyway, I’ve seen with my own two eyes only two men cry in my lifetime, excluding the little ones of course. These two men shared the same agenda. What was the agenda? To use a woman’s nurturing nature to gain/rebuild their ego and to also get validation. However, one despised the other. We all know that when you see certain characteristics in another that you are not ready to accept in yourself it can come off quite disgusting. Dude #1, knew his position very well, scoped out a plan accordingly and put it into practice. He used it to get money, sex and even to make PEOPLE feel like shit. Ain’t this a bitch?!?! I was almost impressed..LOL Dude #2, still has no clue what he does to build himself up. This false rebuilding, if you will, is only patch up work. As soon as he walks away from the construction site, the structure comes tumbling down. Then he has to get back in there to patch it up with the warmth of a woman’s understanding. This one used crying along with intimidation. Once backed up against a wall, the water works would form. Family I’m telling you it was something out of a movie. Don’t get me wrong, these men suffer much pain. And, I saw it. And many women do. But, we are so in tuned to the human emotion that it is sometimes hard for us to call them on the manipulation. It’s hard for us to see clearly through the tear stains on their faces. I know it was hard for me to call it out.
There are things in life I have yet to experience. And I’m sure there are reasons for men to reveal tears in front of women. Again, I’m not saying that men are not allowed to cry. But, if that man were to break down in front of a woman there are not many that can see the root or get down to the bottom of it. Whether he knows it or not, she is shook by it. Her nurturing nature takes over before her mind can even grasp what is REALLY happening. Take the abusive boyfriend/husband; right after he physically, mentally, emotionally abuses his mate, he immediately showers her with tears while apologizing profusely. I still haven’t quite understood why we sometimes overlook the obvious. I suffer from this syndrome myself. But, I’m in the process of getting help.
There are ways we can stop the crying spells and get some clarity on painful situations, whatever it is. For example, I once phoned a dear friend after learning some disturbing news. I cried over the phone with her for 30 minutes straight. What was she doing on the other end? She was telling me where I went wrong; telling me my missteps out of ignorance with love. Basically, when I need to hear some real, insightful, encouraging advice without the judgment or harsh intentions, I know where to go. Another time, I phoned a friend because I was furious about something that was taking place. He proceeded to dead that anger in me by telling me the error of MY ways. On the flip side of things, I’m aware that I can reach out to those that will agree with me no matter what I’ve done or said to get myself in sticky situations. Over the last 7 months I realized that my tears are so close to the surface that any and everything make them appear without notice. The extreme pain we go through in life, depending on how severe, can make us prone to crying spells. This is a part of life. Today, I speak on those that are very aware of their emotional position and use it to get what they want. Women are included in this number but the men are the topic for today.
When you are ready to heal and grow from your painful experiences, put yourself in the path of those that care enough to tell you the things that will bring those tears to a halt. Once the tears seize, most times anger develops because your bubble has been busted. Soon after you will feel the calming effects of being in the know. Embrace your growth. The person you think cares about you because they never make you look AT you could care less about you. They are only telling you what you want to hear. Why would they do that? They are intimidated by you; they don’t want to be bothered with devoting time in trying to help you; or they get kicks out of seeing you cry over and over again. *shaking my head* Yep, some folk love to see others suffer. How can you tell the difference? Growth comes with growing pains. With no pain, growth is lacking.
I say all of this to say. I’ve seen tears used to regain a strong hold. Tears from a man will grab your attention and make your heart hurt. How do I know? Because I’ve had this done to me and it wasn’t until earlier this week that I realized what was really happening. While I was busy nurturing, compromising, coddling, and understanding, he was steady rebuilding his ego brick by brick and not giving a damn thing in return. Now, I’m here suffering with my own crying spells; chasing after true growth.
“Advice doesn’t always penetrate during the first couch session. Always remember that the seed has been sown and the garden is flourishing. We can’t always see the buds sprouting.” Joy
Now, don’t get me wrong. Crying is a way of life. Smiles are formed and tears flow. However, along with any emotion they can be used for selfish gain. Yep, even the male ego… It is in a woman’s nature to be soft, easy to express certain emotions. We are built that way. We may not cry everyday or in front of others but we do shed tears. Sometimes we shed so many tears we feel we may become dehydrated. Men cry too. And I believe there are many that have yet to shed a few and could seriously benefit from it. Like they say, crying can be cleansing. HOWEVER, with anything that can evoke an immediate reaction there are those that use it as a damage control tool, to get sympathy, to regain control, or simply to build up their ego. Let’s call this “tears with selfish motives”. The tears come from a real place, but are formed in an manipulative way. Some men even use it to get ass. No lie. I was once a victim of this crafty strategy. Be easy on me family. I have a big heart..lol Anyway, I’ve seen with my own two eyes only two men cry in my lifetime, excluding the little ones of course. These two men shared the same agenda. What was the agenda? To use a woman’s nurturing nature to gain/rebuild their ego and to also get validation. However, one despised the other. We all know that when you see certain characteristics in another that you are not ready to accept in yourself it can come off quite disgusting. Dude #1, knew his position very well, scoped out a plan accordingly and put it into practice. He used it to get money, sex and even to make PEOPLE feel like shit. Ain’t this a bitch?!?! I was almost impressed..LOL Dude #2, still has no clue what he does to build himself up. This false rebuilding, if you will, is only patch up work. As soon as he walks away from the construction site, the structure comes tumbling down. Then he has to get back in there to patch it up with the warmth of a woman’s understanding. This one used crying along with intimidation. Once backed up against a wall, the water works would form. Family I’m telling you it was something out of a movie. Don’t get me wrong, these men suffer much pain. And, I saw it. And many women do. But, we are so in tuned to the human emotion that it is sometimes hard for us to call them on the manipulation. It’s hard for us to see clearly through the tear stains on their faces. I know it was hard for me to call it out.
There are things in life I have yet to experience. And I’m sure there are reasons for men to reveal tears in front of women. Again, I’m not saying that men are not allowed to cry. But, if that man were to break down in front of a woman there are not many that can see the root or get down to the bottom of it. Whether he knows it or not, she is shook by it. Her nurturing nature takes over before her mind can even grasp what is REALLY happening. Take the abusive boyfriend/husband; right after he physically, mentally, emotionally abuses his mate, he immediately showers her with tears while apologizing profusely. I still haven’t quite understood why we sometimes overlook the obvious. I suffer from this syndrome myself. But, I’m in the process of getting help.
There are ways we can stop the crying spells and get some clarity on painful situations, whatever it is. For example, I once phoned a dear friend after learning some disturbing news. I cried over the phone with her for 30 minutes straight. What was she doing on the other end? She was telling me where I went wrong; telling me my missteps out of ignorance with love. Basically, when I need to hear some real, insightful, encouraging advice without the judgment or harsh intentions, I know where to go. Another time, I phoned a friend because I was furious about something that was taking place. He proceeded to dead that anger in me by telling me the error of MY ways. On the flip side of things, I’m aware that I can reach out to those that will agree with me no matter what I’ve done or said to get myself in sticky situations. Over the last 7 months I realized that my tears are so close to the surface that any and everything make them appear without notice. The extreme pain we go through in life, depending on how severe, can make us prone to crying spells. This is a part of life. Today, I speak on those that are very aware of their emotional position and use it to get what they want. Women are included in this number but the men are the topic for today.
When you are ready to heal and grow from your painful experiences, put yourself in the path of those that care enough to tell you the things that will bring those tears to a halt. Once the tears seize, most times anger develops because your bubble has been busted. Soon after you will feel the calming effects of being in the know. Embrace your growth. The person you think cares about you because they never make you look AT you could care less about you. They are only telling you what you want to hear. Why would they do that? They are intimidated by you; they don’t want to be bothered with devoting time in trying to help you; or they get kicks out of seeing you cry over and over again. *shaking my head* Yep, some folk love to see others suffer. How can you tell the difference? Growth comes with growing pains. With no pain, growth is lacking.
I say all of this to say. I’ve seen tears used to regain a strong hold. Tears from a man will grab your attention and make your heart hurt. How do I know? Because I’ve had this done to me and it wasn’t until earlier this week that I realized what was really happening. While I was busy nurturing, compromising, coddling, and understanding, he was steady rebuilding his ego brick by brick and not giving a damn thing in return. Now, I’m here suffering with my own crying spells; chasing after true growth.
“Advice doesn’t always penetrate during the first couch session. Always remember that the seed has been sown and the garden is flourishing. We can’t always see the buds sprouting.” Joy
Source of image used: http://www.flickr.com/photos/gaypaintings/3368943779/
8 people feelin' some type of way:
This is a wonderful breakdown sis. You spoke truth in a profound but simple way. Does that make sense? You took the emotional psyche and simplified it, yet took a deep look at what makes people tick. People NEED to read this. Anytime people use emotional or mental manipulation to garner empathy it is a sad occasion. There is something to be said for anyone who is so used to crying for causes that they can't tell when the tears are real anymore.
It's like eating pineapple ad nauseum...if you eat it all day, its hard to taste anymore. You have to eat in moderation to enjoy the sweet.
I love your growth...I see you budding :)
We live in a gimme culture, too many folks figuring ways to just take care of them while letting your boat twist or even sink. Sorry you had to cry glad you have seen what was happening even if it hurts a little now.
Tears are never a problem, hell people have different ways of shedding tears. Some let you see the water works others have hobbies that they run to you'll see some of the most impressive works during their most emotional moments. It is part of who we are we get inspiration from how life dances across our nerve endings and causes our neurons to fire.
great read
@Kiwi: Yes, you said it right there. Some are so used to crying that they don't even know the meaning of the tears anymore. Wow! Shoot. I know that me crying over the touching commercial on tv is not about the way they are advertising Tide. I'm crying because I'm hurting..LOL Not that I've cried off of a Tide commercial...well..yeah
Thanks so much for reading. You know me I love to break things down to the simplest form.
@Tommy: Very true. This culture is all about gimme gimme gimme. And some find crafty ways of getting what they want without you noticing. You give people you deal with certain levels of respect. You never go in thinking they are capable of these types of manipulations. Thanks so much for reading.
Gorgeous, Gorgeous Gorgeous
Des
the tears of a clown are shed when noone is around ~smokey robinson
The cruelty of some men is astounding but the strength of a woman is ever growing. Survive and grow strong day by day. Never pity yourself for the mistakes you've made but rather admire yourself for surviving through them and constantly encourage yourself to learn from them.
Good info and analyzation... Niecee
@Des: It's been a long time man. Thanks so much. Hit me up when you get a chance.
@Budda: True indeed.
@Q: You speak the truth here and it's also hard to follow through. I'm really trying. Thank you so much.
@Niecee: So glad you found it informative. Love ya sis!
Post a Comment