I want my OWN man..2009 Edition

*I wrote this awhile ago (April 2009), and I will have to upgrade this because like everything my wants have changed..LOL*

Now, keep in mind Aunt Flo is in town. And this heffa just got here and she already got me thinking some crazy ish. Or is she?

Due to current events in my life and the beautiful weekend (Hey Kiwi!); this idea popped into my mind. While browsing old high school sweet heart facebook pages, I came across the wedding pics. I look at the body language speaking contentment and peace coming from them. And, this dawned on me. I've never had a man of my own.

Ummmm..Joy, how can this be? You have three beautiful children from three very different relationships. Yes, I understand this. But, they were not mine. I did not consume any part of their being. The being that I refer to is their mind. I've never really entered a man's mind. The part of his mind that keeps things concerning me in the forefront and not in the back where I could get lost in the shuffle. Instead these are the main reasons they spent time with me: I was a pit stop to better things, wanted the quick ride, to boost their rep or self image, they wanted to flaunt me like a trophy, they wanted me to provide for them and/or because they felt sorry for me. Bottom line is that they ALL and I mean ALL wanted something from me BUT they were not mine. They were there for the taking... feel me?! And, any thing and anyone could have rolled up and killed the so-called bond. Once the well ran dry (whatever they were there to attain) they were out with the tide. Some how I find a way to replenish myself only to allow another to drain me again...a vicious cycle.

Yes, I want my OWN man..and I want to own a space in his mind. A space that has my name on it and no trivial problem or issue can wipe it away.