Change One Thing. Change Everything.

I started out writing this blog at 2:38pm and now it's 2:54pm. I'm just sitting here staring at my own smiling face with tears in my eyes. The smile you see above is real. Someone helped put it there. First, I'd like to apologize to my own personal blog and my fellow blog readers that follow me for not being more persistent with my posting.

Where do I begin? That title above has been in full effect these past months. Change one Thing. Change Everything. With change, one must adjust. If you didn't notice, I've been floating on the air of love. The one thing that was changed that started this butterfly effect is one simple phone call. The peace and understanding I received from this phone call was not like anything I could have ever imagined. The conversation left me wanting more..wanting to know more..wanting to see more..wanting to feel more. Seemed like I blinked and my teary eyes were replaced with bright alert eyes filled with actual visuals of him. Just like that he was back in my life like he never left. His scent, his spirit, his spooning, his laughter was right there at my finger tips, within ear shot..just a sniff away :) Amazing. We talked, laughed, he poked fun at my butt naked Erykah Badu and I poked fun at his dusty loser Knicks...lol We were having fun just like old times. But you see my friends, as soon as you veer off from the plan, problems arrive.

This time around I will do things differently. The things we experienced will stay close to my heart. I will not try to erase him from my life. And I think sharing with you in depth what I learned will be more beneficial for you and I.

What did I learn? I learned so many things about myself. I learned once again that I can still love after being hurt. It may not seem like much to you guys but I don't want to be bitter. I think being bitter is worse than an unsavory outward appearance. It's not pretty. I learned that I KNOW how to love. And that special someone can be taught, but ONLY if they are true and open to it. I learned that it's not my duty to change someone else's life flow. If they want to be vague and only scrape the surface that is their business. I'm here to live this here life to the fullest. If I'm not all the WAY in, what can I really win?! Yeah :) That is me. If I love you, I'm all the way in. Not much will seize my love from its natural flow even if we are not together. I learned that phases are wonderful sparks in life, and I don't mind leaving them behind. Phases are meant to teach you something and other times they serve as an outlet to get you through tough times. Then later you move on and share the memory with others. For some of us we have mixed up phases with life long experiences. Phases are meant to be indulged in for a period of time and then dropped by the way side. You drop these phases by the way side to make room for GROWTH. I can't believe I'm saying these things. Growth is essential to a productive happy life. I can feel when there is no growth in my life. I feel stuck, stagnant, and angry. Most importantly, I learned you can't snatch those things YOU MAY think should be phases out of someone else's life. They have to drop it. Plus, those things we see as phases may be their life long experiences.

There are so many more things that I've learned. But, to share them would be to bash him and me. And I can't. I love him. And I love me more. :) Earlier I mentioned that I had tears in my eyes. I'm teary because I feel growth. We all know without pain there is no growth. But, it doesn't stop there. You can just dwell on the pain and not learn a thing. After the pain, you must allow CHANGE. Try it...Change One Thing. Change Everything.

Thanks so much for reading. :) I will try to post more on a regular basis. It really felt good to write on my personal blog again.