If you are not familiar with this campaign, check out their website HERE.
I remember vividly how alone, rejected and ridiculed I felt as a young mother in my teens. There always seemed to be this shameful cloud around my being with child. This cloud felt so over powering that I often longed for a husband to free me from the societal bashing on my way of life. There was like a fire under my ass to get myself right in the way of marriage some way, some how. After all these years I've come to terms with the state of desperation I felt to be cleansed of being the dreadful negative statistic. The statistics always seem to come right on time, but the solution for the actual situation we still await. Most of the decisions I made from 1992 to 2008 were merely a reflection of how my ideas were shaped from my painful experiences after I had my son at 17 years old. I was in culture shock at the response from those around me. The stares of pity on the many faces are ingrained in my psyche. As a result, I wasted so many precious years trying to align my life with the way society dictated in order to reap the benefits supposedly waiting for me..the white picket fence..acceptance. In the early 90's teen moms were seen as the incurable loose jezebel in the community and even worse in the school system. The school officials in my high school strongly suggested I go to an alternate school so my existence didn't encourage other girls; like my belly would become a trendy fashion accessory. I understand the reasoning, but I found this approach to be a bit extreme and overall not considering me. The stigma that comes along with being a teen mother having a child out-of-wedlock is so intense that the hope of pulling through seems hopeless. We must remember. If you paint a picture as being irreparable the results will reap irrational decision making.
The "no wedding, no womb" campaign's intention may not be to make the children from single parent homes feel like there is no hope for them. I would hope that is not their angle. After reading a few of the blogs, there is one concept that is blaring to me. Children raised in two parent homes have a better chance at being well rounded contributors to society, while those in single homes are doomed. Do you see my life pattern here repeating itself with my kids? Now, my poor kids are looked on as hopeless. So what should they do now? How will their decision making mirror this intense campaign to separate the privileged with two in-house parents to those birthed in illegitimacy? How can single mothers encourage their children to fight against this politically correct bashing? What are they trying to say here? No, they are not out right dissing kids raised by single parents. However, we all know to not say something is the same as saying something. Many would love to state that parents should have a bigger influence on the minds of their children. And yes, parents do have a heavy burden of instilling in them values, beliefs and knowledge. However, I find it so contradictory to say parents are solely responsible when society plays a part in all of our lives as well. We are not in that utopia induced environment found in the movie "The Village". All outside stimuli play a part in how we think, reason, and even dream.
NOW, what does this campaign say? No ring, no reproductive punani. We can do the nasty but no babies. If you are not in a marriage institution, you should not have a child. PERIOD! As if being married is the answer to all children's woos no matter who the two parents are. So personal views, beliefs, genes, etc. don't play a part in the upbringing of a child? Marriage is equal to holy water now? There is even a catchy song to go with it all. Yeah, check out the page you will be amazed. I feel.. we are missing the underlining problem. To me, the underlining problem is not having children while not being under the guise of marriage but irresponsible, irrational, selfish, possessive, sometimes obsessive parents. The children were conceived under love, lust, or even possibly long term thought out planning. How they got here, I don't know. The relationship didn't work out. Now what? So we just hang our heads low and tell the kids to go screw themselves. Should we give them a 'you might as well have as much fun as you can' free card since your parents gave you a life sentence of incarceration? Oh, so the fact that the mother gave birth while the marriage certificate was in place the kid's well being is set for life no matter what the individual efforts were from each parent.
So basically, given the news, blogs and street talk, kids from single parent homes can hang it up. That's what's hot in the streets now. Here we have history repeating itself indirectly in a politically correct cyber-way. The principal at my school was so leery of me starting a baby bump trend but the trend is found in slogans attempting to describe issues that are so unique to each individual's family situation. We don't fit under the same umbrella collectively.
My thoughts on this topic are endless. Is this another ploy for childless folk to feel better about their position or just an avenue for those married to feel good about their union? Are they trying to bring back that 50's idea of getting hitched solely because she is pregnant? What's really going on here? Yes, I have a problem with this campaign. I will admit I have a personal gripe that is not grounded in 'factual' statistics but groomed in emotions and valid feelings from experience.
speak...all views are welcome here
8 people feelin' some type of way:
I think you just need to constantly be in your children's ear, teaching them probably the same things you have been and let them know that though they try to be, society is not and never will be the ones to determine how successful their lives will be.
After all, our president is a product of a single-parent home!
@Afrodeezha: True indeed. We have to let our kids know every chance we get that they are worthy of a bright future.
As a product of a single-parent home, I refuse to believe that there's a death sentence on my life's purpose.
Just as there are married people who are unhappy, there are single people who are happy and fulfilled. Relativity plays a part. It's about the mind set of the parent[s] and the individual personality of the child[ren]. No one gets to decide how far a person goes based on their rearing. You can be born to shit, not taught shit, not shown shit...and come out like a diamond.
As, Dee said...Pres. Obama is the product of such a family...and not only is he president, but he's got a beautiful family.
Self-righteousness...hmmm, peep that first word. Nuff said.
@Kiwi: Right. They paint a picture like so long as the two people are married the child will be 'a' ok. It doesn't always happen like that. Genes and the child's personality come into play just like you said. And so true ladies, Obama is the man. Seems to be a lot of self righteousness going on and finger pointing too. Thanks for reading ladies.
Out of all of your Blogs, this one here is the ABSOLUTE BEST.
You touched on so many thought provoking items in this write, that I am at a loss for words for the first time in a Long Time.
The only thing that I can say is, I was fortunate to come from a 2 parent home, even if Dad is my Step-Father (I NEVER called him "Step"). I feel for every child AND adult that came from a single parent home and are stigmatized in this fashion. Yet, I have witnessed a lot of Dynamic Men and Women as the end result of a Single Parent home (Obama is the most Popular Person that we all can agree on).
Society as a whole, is deplorable. You Joy, for speaking on this, nothing short of Amazing.
I'm a product of a two-parent home and until recently, my youngest was a product of a two-parent home but my daughter and my other son are well-adjusted, well-mannered kids who have their heads on straight. I can't fall for the hype behind what they're teaching because I have a cousin that was raised with two parents, received her doctorate's degree and is now on drugs.
People need to be careful about placing labels on others. It almost never works out. No one fits into just one box.
@Andrew: Thanks so much for your kind words. I really appreciate that. You know this issue hits home with me. Sometimes it's not about the set up but the tools being used to bring up said child is all I'm trying to say. And thanks again for reading and commenting. (((HUG)))
@The God'ess: "People need to be careful about placing labels on others. It almost never works out. No one fits into just one box."
That is so true. I don't know why people need to do this especially when it's done in a negative way. It's like they map out your destiny without even knowing your soul.
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