It's Just Poetry Boo..

I'm aware that we refer to love by using the "L" word due to experiences that left us nonbelievers, angry, unfulfilled, disappointed, lonely and/or bitter. Just to utter this word can give you the heebie-jeebies. You leave the hurtful relationship promising to protect yourself. You verbally and mentally ward off the lovey dovey road planning to never travel it again. When I say, "I will never do the love thing again", I plan to purposely guard my heart from being infiltrated without my consent. Almost like those on a battle field, we look around in suspicion making sure cupid is not lurking in the bushes waiting to pounce on our unsuspecting open heart. Once your heart is opened to love it will never close. Stop kidding yourself. All you can do at this point is protect it the best way you can. (I am listening)

The action of love happens way before the words. Here is the tricky part. We are a people with the ability to mimic 'loving actions' convincingly. I've seen with my own two eyes men show me love in every way possible, so I thought, but it was merely them trying to get me in a position to get what they want. So for me, I associate the words raised to the universe as the negative switch in the atmosphere. Because once I told these men I loved them, the 'Let me make a fool of Joy' plan was initiated. Now that I think about it, that was so silly. The person's intentions were present the whole time. Whether they are verbalized or not, one day you will know the truth. Thing is, we want to reveal the smallest amount of feelings possible so when the shit hits the fan we can say, "so what, I didn't care about them anyway". Sound familiar? Basically, my mind computes love professed as the beginning of the end. Bad, I know. The negative transformation is tied to the words spoken instead of the person's true motivation.

All men are not out there looking to hurt unsuspecting women or vice versa. So, why am I slow to profess love verbally? It's simple. Most times I found, he couldn't handle the TRUTH! Some of us are not ready due to lack of maturity, confidence or life experiences that it takes to receive such love and reciprocate. Think of receiving love like one should receive a compliment. Instead of letting your partner know you are not sure of your feelings or feeling scared, you stand there in amusement while your partner is left dangling. Yep, this is very selfish. You gloat while on solid ground enjoying the entertainment your partner is providing you. Because if the feelings are not mutual you are just enjoying the show without even paying for a ticket. Obnoxious traits show their face at this point. You can't handle how this person is caring for you. And you act as though you are not deserving because you know you don't feel the same. Stop right there... If someone is saying or showing you they are not deserving...they are not deserving. I learned that one the hard way. We love friends, family, lovers differently. But, in my opinion, this love I speak of has to be validated in some way or left alone. Here is an example...

Picture yourself barefoot running close to the beach shore on a beautiful day. You and your lover are skipping along stealing loving glances while the warm sand tickles your toes. You guys are so into the feelings of what you both supposedly share something goes unnoticed in the blissful aura. You turn around to find your lagging partner standing there staring at you with a smirk on their face. You feel sick to your stomach when they start to point at you while laughing a belly aching laugh. When you are not honest about your intentions that is what you are doing even if you don't realize it.

What does Joy do in the meantime? I call up my sista and brotha to tell them how I feel. I go to them because it's safe until I'm sure I'm ready to cause a butterfly effect. My love is there. It lives in my spontaneity. Sometimes it sneaks up and scares me. Like when I responded to a Facebook post from a male concerning a poetry duet to assure my boyfriend, "it's just poetry boo". What the hell? Where did that come from? Joy back down..LOL Or when I typed a message on my bbm, "I love you babe" only to stop in my tracks while leaning on the delete/backspace once I came to. Whew! That was close.

I understand we all don't believe in the same Higher Being, but this right here is my blog. It's hard for me to talk about love without talking about God. Didn't want to go here but even when you give your life to God...you have to profess with your mouth He is Lord if you believe. Repentance happens when you turn away from your sins. BUT, you still must let it be known with your mouth that you are turning from those sins for His name sake. Once that profession, life change is in place...you show your commitment symbolically through baptism. Same with love. You show this person with your actions you love them, you make a decision to be with them for a life time, and yes you say it with your mouth. Then you seal it symbolically. We know the rest.

Photo Taken by Caprice

Graphics by Kiwi

Dude in pic... my boo :)