I Gots to Do Better...

I've been connecting with old school mates from down south on facebook. It's been a straight up elementary, middle and high school reunion. A school mate commented on one of my pics; the one above. She comments this pic with me paraphrasing..."You are so pretty. Why you don't have a man?" This is an interesting question. I had to really ponder on this question. Why I don't have a man? Well..this is what I came up with.

My answer to her was; “I need to do a better job picking the right man in my life”. I'm really bad at this. The men I pick never seem to be right for me. Believe me, before getting deep with any man I think it through. And I ask myself questions.

• What do I want from this relationship?
• Is he capable of reciprocating?
• How far do I want this to go? Marriage, roomy, fuck buddy..etc
• Do my kids like him?

These are all great questions, but the scrutiny should have started from jump. The first time he approached me it should have been on. So I would like to just jot down my expectations so I can refer back to them to get myself back on track if I start to slack:

• He must love women. Don’t know how many times I run into dudes that really have a problem with women in general.
• He must like kids. If he has some of his own, that is a plus. Parents understand parents.
• He should approach me respectfully. No hissing…
• He should ask me out on a REAL date...none of this house sitting.
• He must pay for dates. I’m sticking to this shit..no exceptions. If he can’t handle the check then he can’t handle me. I’m so worth this perk and so much more.
• He should be patient with the pace. No sex on the menu; shouldn't run him away.
• He must be honest with how he feels about me and his expectations. Don’t tell me you love me and you know you lying.
• He must be employed and living alone or with a roomy (not his mommy).
• He must be adventurous. I'm already a homebody; two of the same is a bore.
• He must not be rebounding with me. He has to give himself time to heal from past relationships and be real about it. Come to me ready.
• He must be confident. I can’t stress this enough. If you have issues, own up. If you need to work on something, get up. But, please no insecure dudes snooping over here. I beg you.

so on and so forth...additions pending

In my last relationship I suffered from a problem. And that is I wasn't being true to myself. Kept telling myself I didn't want love and this was so far from the truth. By the time I realized I needed love like toddlers need walking shoes, it had already escaped me. So it’s only fair that I change some things about myself that I see needs to be tweaked.

• Get a grip on my loneliness. Don’t just take anything because I’m afraid to be alone.
• Speak up when I have a problem with something or need to clarify things. Never lose my voice.
• Be myself. Don’t change a thing about myself unless I see the need for ME.
• Be compassionate; in my last relationship this was tested and failed. So I need to work on being more sympathetic, just a tad bit more.
• Say NO to things when I don’t care to engage in them. NO further explanation on this one. Just say NO Joy.
• Patience is something I need to work on in every aspect of my life. And I will make sure to apply it here as well.
• Do not discuss my deep private thoughts and how I feel about past relationships…PERIOD! Some things are not meant to be mentioned.

Fair enough?…Yes, I have work to do too.

In closing, I may not be able to find a man that fits this bill, but I will have my dignity and self respect in the end. I gots to do better…foxr me and my family.