My Overwhelmingly Indecisive Current State

I always have something to say...but lately the words escape me because my thinking cap is clouded with responsibility.

I feel like I'm drowning in this surrounding substance, called my conscious, choking the life out of me.

That conscious has even gotten together with my subconscious and they are plotting to do a number on my bodily being.

Ping Pong is being played in my mind right now even as I write this bloggie...in the left..I mean..right ...I mean left side of my brain. To stay here and endure this or bail out of this bullshit? is indeed the question... Hmmm...is this life a sport..a game?

A yearning creative state of mind just got paid. However, the poor new crisp dollar bills I like to call thoughts are showing up in my hand, and I'm too far from currency dwelling spots.

My know-how is screaming for a break in this waterfall of great unreasonable sensitivity to everything around me.

Even intermissions are required when actors need to refuel in order to continuously belt out ballads originating with the Latin’s.

This feels like walking along on a hot desert with nothing to drink while looking on as others laugh, drink and be merry.

Can someone give me a drink of refreshing water for my soul's revivability?

I close my eyes tightly hoping that once I open them I will be smack dab in the middle of fairy tale memories. As my own ploy to torture me, I open them ever so slightly. What did I see? The room filled with my horrible childhood memories being replayed in my offspring. The lump in my throat is containing the loud cry that needs to come out in the worst way.

stagnant

silent

standing still in time waiting...waiting for REAL life to begin because this right here has to be something put together in the worst whimsical way. I'm starving...

starving for calming spirits,

true laughter from within,

days of contentment,

peaceful quietness...

I've been rendered speechless....

having nothing else to say about this day to day life play...

the speechlessness about the details of My Overwhelmingly Indecisive Current State...