These are things I don't have access to often. I can't remember the last time when I felt calm in my spirit. Even when I'm able to grab some silence, my mind is racing. Just like when you listen to blaring music for long periods of time, and then walk into dead silence your ears start to ring. It's like your ears, mind and spirit have to catch up to the new surroundings. With my chaotic often stressful life, external silence will not be a reality anytime soon. Most times the noise around me just irritates me to no end. There is only so much I can do to turn the volume down. But, there has to be a way to control my inner volume levels. I think the reason why I can't handle the noise from my kids, tv, co-workers and commuters in my day to day is because my internal noise volumes are off the Richter scale. There are a number of things I know for a fact are clogging my mind flow, like my 'things to do' lists. I find that if you put things off your mind stores it until you finish it. The more you put off the more your mind stores up all this back logging of chores, jobs, projects, you have to complete. Every so often these lists send out reminders to the surface, nagging me trying to will me to complete them. Then there are times when our mind is full of the past experiences. We never really live in the present. You ever stop to analyze the incidents you constantly replay in your mind? You know the ones. My replay lists are mostly those things that hurt me deeply, bad decisions and regrets. How do we purge these things so we can regain our silence and tranquility? And last but not least, I'm haunted by tomorrow's possibilities. Sometimes I even think about the lives of my children when they get older. Are the decisions I'm making for them now going to bite me in the ass later with the "you loved her more than me" or the "you didn't spend enough time with me"? ...so much noise. I'm sitting here in my apartment completely alone and I still have ringing in my ears. There are no kids to blame, no loud video games or tv shows for my mind to compete with. It's just me and this computer. Where is the ...
Peace...Quiet...Calm...Serenity...Tranquility?
7 people feelin' some type of way:
Love it sis! Love you! Thank you for sharing!
Im >>>>>right here<<<< with you Joy...throw some it over here when ever you find ur piece of mind.
Thanks Iba! So glad to see you over here. (((HUG)))
Budda...girl, I will definitely share with you when I get my hands on some...(((HUG)))
You purge them by accepting the mistakes you made and learning the lessons from them. You respect the fact that you are doing your best with the planning you have done going forward and accepting that while you may not get them all right you are damn sure doing your best.
The replay list will rarely get shorter, but by looking at the positives in that replay you ain got to let it stay the 800 pound gorilla. We all do it, we all wanna say if only I, especially in situations where we were dealing with other people and we think if we just danced right on this beat or hit this step things would have went perfectly.
Sometimes you gotta look at the replay and realize well hell I was on beat my partner was just tone deaf. As for your kids, if you are doing your best you have done your job. No matter how hard we try we have to remember that just like us when we were their age they are gonna have to take their lumps to understand how good life can be and how harsh. Prepare them as best you can and hope that they paid attention, in the end while they may not have liked mom while she was teaching them they will hopefully appreciate that you did your best for them and like who you helped them to become
Thanks Tommy...I really needed that. I'm working on my mental 'things to do' lists. So I'm making room in my head for some silent time. I still have to work on how much I worry and dwell on the past. Love you! (((HUG)))
You definitely aren't alone. I pray you peace of mind...
Tommy has a great point...you do what you can and take the lessons and make sweet lemonade. He ain't say THAT, but he did. lol
I agree with everyone...just remember you cannot control the uncontrollable...its called flow go with it and move on because life does..
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