Blast from the Past: livejournal

So yesterday I was in a mood that I know so well, and I wanted to post a poem that conveyed those feelings. Unfortunately, last year in anger I deleted my multiply blog before backing up my blog posts and that poem was one of them. While wrecking my brain trying to figure out where I may have written it down, I remembered that I used to post on livejournal.com way back in the day. 2007 was an interesting year: The first year after my separation from my husband and the beginning stages of my love for Grey's Anatomy. I did a lot of venting about the situation and wrote a little bit of poetry. For the first time I found out how therapeutic it could be to express your feelings in word. During the transition to singledom, I latched on to the love of Dr. Cristina Yang and Dr. Preston Burke of Grey's Anatomy. I just loved the randomness of it's existence. Their bond was so unexpected. And I just loved everything their connection represented. Cristina Yang is quirky, messy and distant. And of course, he is the total opposite. Dr. Burke was precise, dominate and affectionate. Dr. Burke said something once to Dr. Yang that always stuck with me. I wrote about it back in 2007 on livejournal.

representation of pure love

Posted on 2007.06.02 at 08:45

"There is nothing you could reveal about yourself that I wouldn't want to know."
Dr. Burke
Grey's Anatomy

This phrase has to be the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. This represents pure love. To be able to reveal to someone who you really are and not be judged is a beautiful thing. That is the comfort I'm looking for. To be able to come home and let my hair down so to speak. I want to be able to walk through the door and undo the days events in an instant. I want to be able to tell my deepest fears and thoughts without fearing backlash. To get to the point of me letting someone in may take awhile. We shouldn't fear time spent knocking down those walls that people set up. Those walls are only there to protect ourselves from further damage. Behind my walls you will find a loving, kind, affectionate, caring woman. She is still there. She is just hiding from years of hurt and pain. See video below..

too cute...

*smh* Yeah, I was a lost soul...lol Once they got rid of Dr. Burke, I walked off the show right along with him. I've been thinking of getting the DVD of the seasons missed. I was so hurt for weeks that he was cut from the cast over something I felt had nothing to do with the show. But hey, that is my opinion. My writing 3 years ago was so naive and faint though. I didn't gain my voice. I can see myself tickling the edge of outburst inside. Even though my voice is now heard and understood by many, I still have my moments of faint cries and depressing moments like these. Here is the poem I was trying to find, and I revamped it.

When I Cry

Posted on 2007.07.08 at 19:55

I weep for the life altering decisions I've made

I bawl for the ripple effect due to my narrow minded vision of the future

I mourn for the new opportunities lost in a whirlwind of chaos

I sob for the youth lost in a need to find love in external beings

I wail for the lives affected by decisions made on a desperate whim for acceptance

I moan for the fairy tale fantasy that is more of an urban legend than a possibility

I grieve for the person I could have been

When I cry life now becomes more easy to swallow

Yeah, the story of my life. I'm not sure if I will continue to write in my journal on livejournal, but I will leave it up. Every 3 years I will go back and "Touch" my journal, just to document the change and development of my life.

just added this video for no reason...hey, I love Omarion...lol