Truth Day 6: this struggle is long

6: something I hope I never have to do

All I'm thinking about at this moment is my mental and physical tired state

It's like you are pushing a cart up a steep hill with the dead weight and gravity working against you, while the wind chimes in

I hope I never have to work this hard to survive in this body; can rest dwell in me

I'm tired of working. I'm tired of caring. I'm tired of worrying. I'm tired of being overlooked, trampled on, people acting like I wasn't born

I'm tired of being misunderstood. I'm tired of being the victim of the past. I'm tired of being watched. I'm tired of the tests. I'm tired of the distance. I'm tired of not feeling love. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired.

That is all I know to say right now.

All I can do is hope but deep down inside I know things will only get worse with every obstacle drowning me like floods

The strength I've attained is building me up for the big let down.

I'm tired of seeing the future. I'm tired of people leaning on me. I'm tired of people assuming I don't need. I'm tired of being around people scared to live, scared to fight, scared to give, scared of not being right. I'm tired y'all.

What does this blog want out of my life?

All I have are gripes .. unfulfilled dreams .. fairy tales blown to smithereens .. replaced with empty daily tasks with no hope in my grasp ..

why am I here? other than this work assignment .. can I get some shine? where is my window seat .. my head longs to feel the coolness of the pane with relaxation massaging my uneasy brain ..

I need air .. I'm suffocating .. my life wants too much from me .. it's urging me to give up on making my life happy .. now I live for them, my kids, hoping they will grow up to live for more than half ass weekends .. my existence causes confusion because my baby girl says she wants to be like me .. but she can't see the tragedy .. I'm carrying three people on my back .. and my spine is about to crack

How long is this struggle going to last? I hope I never have to see my kids struggle the way my life forces me... this cycle won't last