where I am vs. where I wanna be

Where I am.. is in a mysterious place where I've had many answered prayers.
In this place, I've spent loads of time with myself. I can finally hear me, my thoughts, and how they differ from others. I hear the faint whispers of my wants, needs and desires. And, I also hear silence in spaces where I have no idea what I'm doing or why. This had to be done because other people's personalities around me were/are too strong and loud. I couldn't hear my inner self trying to speak, trying to break free.

Writing? I'm going back to school to learn more about literature and how to write properly. I am so excited about being a student again. It's been over 13 years since I've been in a degree program. I will be majoring in literature/creative writing. There have been some creative ideas I could have shared here, but I hesitate with good reason. However, I am writing every day in my journal.

Reading? My love for reading has always been stronger than my love for writing. Yet, how can you have one without the other; well, I need them both. I've read six books this year, so far. My 2012 goal is to read 12 books. I'm sure that number doesn't seem like much to others, but to me, it's an accomplishment. I have a lot going on. I vowed not to force myself to read anything that I don't want to read. I'm glad I found the time to read more. Sacrifices had to be made. The books I've read so far this year:
"Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?" by Mindy Kaling
"The Hunger Games" by Suzanne Collins
"Catching Fire" by Suzanne Collins
"Write it Down, Make it Happen" by Henriette Anne Klauser
"MockingJay" by Suzanne Collins
"The Bluest Eye" by Toni Morrison
I'm currently working on "The Made-Up Man" by Karen Heuler

Physically? I feel good. I've been loving on me. I'm finally following the high fiber diet I was supposed to be on years ago. I've been Zumba-ing. I purchased the Zumba Exhilarate DVD package and fell in love with this type of exercise dance. I've lost some weight, but I have a long way to go. I'm keeping a journal on my journey.

Mentally? It all depends on the day. I've had some great days where I ponder on those beautiful things about myself and all the blessings around me. Other days I fret over wasted time spent chasing ideas of someone, I love yous, proposals, marriage, children, dogs, white picket fences, and validation. I mentioned this before. One of my long term goals is to find the perfect balance between keeping it real with myself; while, not beating myself up.

Emotionally? I've had more happy days this year than I've had in the last five years. Amazing! I must document my daily events so I can understand where the happiness comes from. I must know what I'm doing differently this year. I'm not completely bitter, yet. There is hope.

Where I wanna be .. is somewhere I can just BE..without the worry of tomorrow; the worry of the next appointment; the worry of work; the worry of the outcome of my kids's future; the worry of bills; the worry of time; the worry of calories; the worry of choices made; the worry of performance. I want to be able to enjoy the here and now in my own space and time.