damsel in distress?! yep, me too.

I'm not sure if I spoke about this before on this blog. But, here it goes. 

Sometimes I'm just over on twitter reading tweets.. this tweet in particular brought up some interesting memories...

"RT @Liberiangyal: If youre going to be my man, I need for you to kill all bugs. Its in the boyfriend contract." 

My husband (who I've been trying to divorce for 5 years now) and I, had a huge beautiful old apartment in the Bronx that was only a couple of blocks away from Fordham University. The down fall to big old drafty apartments with beautiful architecture is the occasional insect invasion. The tweet above reminds me of one night I had to kill a huge bug (that shall remain nameless). Just like many others, I'm grossed out by bugs in my presence. My husband was still on his way home, and my boys were at their grandmother's house (I wouldn't have trusted them with the job, anyway), I had to kill it myself. *le sigh* I'm so traumatized by the murder I committed that I'm not even sure how I got the job done. Side Note: If I have to use a shoe to kill a bug, I will never wear that shoe again. So, I try my best to grab a pair of flip flops. Even though, I was able to finish the job, I was too scared to pick up its lifeless remains. So, like the cute wife I was, I waited for my hubby to come home to save his damsel in distress. HA!

Of course, I couldn't stay in the room with the dead, so I went to the front of our apartment peeking out the window for my hubby's van and also occasionally peeking at the bug to make sure he didn't get another chance at life and walk away from the crime scene. FINALLY, he comes home and I'm like, "babe, I had to kill a bug but I was too scared to pick it up. can you please get it for me?" I was floored at his response. He was appalled that I left the bug there for him to dispose. He was like I been working all day to come home to clean up your mess. He made me feel so bad. I don't even remember if he picked it up or not. I was stunned. He really took offense that I asked him to pick up the dead bug. Of course, I understand now that it wasn't about the dead bug. It was ME he had a problem with, my essence, what he felt I represented. 

That wasn't the only time he made me feel like I wasn't worthy of him rescuing me by doing stupid tasks like this one. It's just a sore area when I see other women ask for the same things I asked for, but he didn't feel I was worthy. Ultimately, that is why he choose me. He purposely married someone who he couldn't respect. He never thought I was worthy, so he saw being with me an easy ride. He resented me for demanding love, attention, affection, protection, and also, disposing of dead bug remains, just like any other woman (or better yet, any person). Yes, I was spoiled twice before (meaning I already had two kids) but it didn't mean that gave him the right to deny me.  If a man is not willing to do those things, what is the point in having him around? Anyway...yeah. What a nightmare. 

If I ever love again, marry again, or date again.. he will jump to murder and dispose of dead bug remains.