Married for 9 years, a wife for only 2...

I had been sitting here allowing the internet to be a distraction to my research paper writing. Several google chrome tabs are open. I go from checking my gmail to refreshing my twitter feed to checking my facebook where there are only event notifications waiting for me. I must admit that I'm struggling for so many different reasons. The first draft to this research paper is due Wednesday as well as my presence in court. Hopefully, this is one of the last times I will have to be in that place.

During my tab surfing, I see that I have an email from my lawyer. I open the email and I read two words, "It's Official!" The attachment reads, "Judgement of Divorce." And, I'm startled by my lack of proper reaction. I even felt a hint of annoyance. I've been fighting, clawing, and scraping for that paper, for the freedom. Finally, I get it at a time when so much time has passed by that I don't even know how to feel about the breakthrough. The meaning of the breakthrough has escaped me through the struggle. At one time this issue had me anchored in one place, a noose around my neck, a stumbling block to my every step, and a constant reminder of my mistake. 

I wanted the paper so I could one day tell an eager lover no to a marriage proposal, not because of a technicality beyond my control but because it was my choice. I wanted the paper so I could close a chapter of a very dark book I no longer wanted to read. But, my ex-husband (now, it's real) was force feeding me his narrative to his story. What I learned along this journey is that once again I didn't need outside validation and my strength was affirmed at every turn. My power was affirmed in perseverance. 

Sure, I could have gotten the divorce back in 2008, but I wouldn't have learned all these cool things about myself. This process reminds me of Dorothy on that yellow brick road. Glinda could have told her on their first meeting how to get home, but Glinda knew the value in the lessons Dorothy would learn on the journey. Sometimes the answers are delayed in order get our attention and teach us valuable lessons. Your blessing is often delayed because God wants to get your attention and what better place to get it, in the mist of your yearnings and desires.