Reflecting on the Effects

I woke up annoyed…I’m feeling stagnant; stuck if you will and I’m so sick of this word however I need CHANGE in my life. Usually when I feel like this I try to reflect on the past to see just how far I’ve come. Sometimes looking back helps me see my progress and know there is hope for me to move forward to do different things. You know it just saddens me that I found out so late in life how much I have to offer with my talents of many. I’ve been doing a lot of daydreaming, fantasizing about me in a different life. When things get really tough for me in life I tend to start to daydream. Let’s just say I take mini vacations in my mind. I check out of the goings on now and think on where I would rather be. For the last couple of weeks I’ve had a couple of daydreams. One is me relocating ALONE; just me running away from everything and everybody. The other is way too disturbing to say in this blog forum today. Then I start to wonder if my life was exactly like I wished it to be now; I’d probably not like it anyhow. I’d then be daydreaming of a life of chaos that I live now. We can’t win. Life is never enough sometimes.

But, then that same past that I often reflect on to help encourage me to press on, comes back to haunt you. I couldn’t help thinking about this quote in “The Renaissance Man” movie, “the choices we make dictate the life we lead”.

Hmmmm… So no matter how much we daydream, pray, educate ourselves, plan, we can never change the past therefore we have no say in the future. Now, I’ve heard prayer helps with coping but once you make certain decisions there is no way to change them once they have been enforced. There is a ripple effect that goes out; you can’t take it back and that ripple goes on past visual sight. And we can’t even foresee how that ripple will affect our lives and all of those around us. The ripple continues to roll out of our sight but this does not mean the effects are not very much present. Just like throwing rocks across the ocean surface. You know, tossing rocks in this big ole pond of life trying to see what happens. Yeah, I know you must be thinking; Joy, first it was the Butterfly Effect, then Bubbles, now Ripple Effect. No, I’m not going to get into the rock being decisions we throw into a pond of life and the ripples being the effect of those decisions, because we already know this in analogy world. The bigger the rock, the bigger the ripple…yall know. It’s just that….On one hand it fascinates me but on the other hand it angers me. We live life trying to make the best decisions for ourselves and those loved ones around us. Sometimes, we learn later on in life that they hold lifelong residual effects we can’t take back nor can we change the direction of the tide. Yeah, it sucks if you made a fucked up decision BUT it’s all gravy if you made the best decision. How about if you made a whole bunch of fucked up decisions?! I think yall see where I’m going with this..life…it’s a gift but it’s not an easy journey. Sorry to get all deep and ish on this Friday..hey it’s how I’m feeling today…forgive me

Have a great weekend and BE safe…