To be courted...

I can't remember ever being courted in all my 33 years. The reason why I've been thinking about this is because a couple of girlfriends of mine are really getting the royal treatment. Men are approaching them in order get to know them and not just in a sexual way. They want to settle down, plan a future and build a life. I don't think I'm a horrible person as to why men don't think of me in this way; it may just be ME. Sometimes I do act as though I'm not worthy. 9 times out of 10, I am courting them. I buy gifts, take them out, show them all the attention, listen to their problems, and offer solutions. There is really nothing wrong with doing any of this but I never receive this in return without a struggle. It doesn't seem to come to me easily; I have to work hard for a little consideration. Now, when I sit back and look at most of the men I communicate with it seems they only see me in a sexual way. It is flattering to be seen as sexy but I do have a brain and I also have desires.

Every nice thing I've gotten from a man; I had to literally beg to get, even from my own father. What is this about? It's one thing to have men that won't court me (this is my own flaw, gotta pick them more wisely) but my own father never really considered me or tried to take care of me emotionally. Forget about financially; that shit is not even happening. Hmm...maybe this is why I'm used to taking the lead in this courtship thang. Possibly I go into these relationship things with the mindset that I'm not going to get much out of it and then I just start to initiate everything. In turn this may put men off thinking I don't need them; making them feel inadequate. Or they get too comfortable. And it's not even that...I just don't want to deal with anymore disappointment so I tell myself he doesn't have to give me anything or treat me special. So I beat them to the punch. It's a real bad habit. Steve Harvey even mentioned it in his book, "Act like a lady, think like a man".

So, I'll be over here waiting...letting men take the lead, reach out to me properly, and court me... I will blog when this actually happens for me.