Do you know who you are apart from the circumstances and/or consequences of your actions? A friend asked me yesterday, "who are you?" After giving that more thought than I should have to, I finally came up with this. I am merely the product of my experiences, circumstances, and consequences. Outside of those things, I don't know the raw me. She never showed up because before she could even flourish, consequences arose and suffocated her growth. Now, I can tell you who I think I am. I can make predictions about what I could have been had I not done certain things. But my predictions are from the eyes of a woman that is in the middle of much negativity and the visual will be cloudy. So I will refer you all back to a blog I wrote awhile ago and it's called
"when I look at me". Is this blog really describing me and what I stand for apart from pain? Maybe we are all a product of our environments and decisions we've made. Sometimes I wonder who I would be today if Thursday turned out positively. Why do I always have to fight? It's one thing to fight for a cause you are passionate about. And it's another thing to fight for something and you don't even know what the terms are. Blind fighting is when you are fighting in someone else's battle. You are somehow connected with this person and will be affected directly by their actions. That is where I am right now and I don't want to be here. I've never wanted to be alone this much in my entire life. Looking back I've always had a boyfriend or some companion. But right now I want...
You know what, it doesn't matter. This person I'm connected to is in a battle that I have to partake in and I guess I will be able to fulfill my own agenda some time in the future. I can't be any more sorry than I already am for ever dealing with this person; or allowing him to come into my space. "Who are you?" you ask. I am...depending on the present state.
3 people feelin' some type of way:
So the butterfly is in a secondary cocoon will she come out rejuvenated and refresh or will she come out dark and gloomy all the color and beauty drained out of her. I hope for the former.
I like this one, while it sucks to fight blindly if you know why you are fighting alongside or with that person then you can at least focus on that goal. Even if you can't see the big picture in any fight the main focus is to remember what it is your trying to protect or win and never lose sight of it. You cannot fix your entire world in one day, but you can begin the process you can remove a few obstacles each day until your path is clear, or the hurdles are at a height you can easily manage.
(hug)And remember in any fight the quickest and easiest way to win is to strike a vital area, dancing around throwing wild flashy shots just tires you out. Be efficient, be lethal, and be quick in it otherwise your dragging it out on yourself
I feel for you sis...I really do. Because I do feel like your circumstances have weighted you down...and hindered your truest growth...but, only because you've let it.
I will never say it's easy. I'm working on me every day...but, you put so much energy into the past's mistakes that you don't put enough focus on how to apply those mistakes to your now...THAT'S what makes it a lesson. Also, learning how to do it with a grace that doesn't take the "joy" out of life.
@Tommy: Yeah, a secondary cocoon. Not sure if I will come out this time showing off my pretty colors. Might keep it all to myself this time. I've lost so much for so long I don't know how to fight and don't see the point in it really. Wait until I tell you what this lawyer told me today. Sad yo, very sad.
@Kiwi: I was happy though for a while then...well, you know. Then it's been one let down after the other. My mind is spinning and I don't understand any of this or why I'm here in this situation. I can only learn from my mistakes when I can see clearly and I can't see the point in any of this sis. Love you! ((((HUG))))
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