11~Whom (no names, if you prefer) did you love, who didn't love you back?
Life with my children can be really tough at times. The pressure gets so bad that I often daydream of running away. The reason I could never go through with it is because of the love I have for my kids. And even though I feel like I'm a jacked up mother most of the time, I know my kids need me.
The parenting love tug of war was easy for my father to let go of because he has missed over 20 years of my life. He didn't even know I had a daughter. No, he wasn't locked up. No, he wasn't away in the army or something. Yes, he is alive and well. I can't remember loving my father but I know I did. He never did love me back the way I felt I deserved. When I got pregnant at 16 years old the phone calls stopped. He didn't want to have anything to do with me. It's like he disowned me. Maybe my pregnancy was an excuse for him to stop sending the bullshit $50 to $100 checks to my mother. Dude wasn't even doing that on a monthly or bi-weekly basis.
I spoke to my father recently and he still blames my mother for everything. He claims the distance from him (he lives in Florida) was the reason why we didn't have a father daughter relationship. It's so ironic to me that my daughter's father is fighting me tooth and nail in court for Chloe and I'm not even trying to keep her away from her father. But, my father just walked away with ease. There was no love reflex. So yeah, like many others, my father didn't love me back. However, a couple of years ago, he had the nerve to beg me to go to a family reunion just so I can make him look good. And I was like, no thank you. I choose to live my life the best way I can. I don't feel the need to reach out to him. I choose to only keep people close to me that care for me.
3 people feelin' some type of way:
I can definatly relate to wat ur saying.i was adopted in 1980.my mom chose drugs and a men or us.my dad was in the military but never came for me.i dont know that side of my famaily and I honestly chose to keep it that way.My mom has been tryo.g to reach out to me but o see things are still the same.I did something in front of her and she said boy im still ur mother and my response was my mother and father died.i know I hurt her feeling but wat about the hury ive been carrying for 36 yrs.til this day I refuse for her to see my kids cause o dont want yhem hurting her like she did me or promising Nd she dont come thru.so I know wat ur feeling and I dont blame I
U one bit
This still hurts me when you talk about him...I don't get him. He SO missed out. He has no idea what he'd gain to REALLY know you. Shame on him...
I can relate 100% same story and my father lives in Florida as well I'm his oldest and have zero contact...their loss
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