The rules are simple, folks...

My classification paper. Check it out.

People are turning social networking into a disorganized conglomerate, and there is a strong need for renovation and organization. Significant activities like reflecting, ranting, venting, and flaunting life achievements in old classmates’ faces are strictly prohibited given the chosen social outlet. In order to insure we all will have a good time, we must file these thoughts, comments, and blogs in the proper place. I agree with Martha Stewart wholeheartedly when she suggests that there needs to be, “a place for everything and everything in its place.” Collectively, we need to apply this simple philosophy to our Internet experience in order to honor and respect those with no real unplugged social life. Basically, this essay is dedicated to educating emotionally disturbed social networking veterans, premeditating grammar-murdering teenagers, and inconsiderate touristy Internet users who are much like those who stand in the middle of the sidewalk at Times Square blocking traffic.

Before entering the world of social networking you must familiarize yourself with the three major sites: Facebook, Twitter, and the new addition to web profiles Instagram. These three sites are like the trinity of socializing while networking. You will understand what each site is used for and how breaking the rules can hamper the experience, not only for you, but others plugged in. You may think the Internet is just a tourist site, but there are others who consider it home. For starters, don’t poke fun at others who may not know that their online persona is not real.

Facebook is a place for fellowship. Let’s just call it what it is: Facebook is like the mother ship of the social networking world. Dutiful Internet activities from all other sites must be documented and sent to Facebook headquarters. Sentinels, like myself, must do all we can to make sure allotted posts are streaming in an orderly fashion. If every single tweet, blog post, or instagram photo upload were permitted, there would be an information overload causing an uncontrollable virus to spread. Facebook is where you post your intellectual quotes, accomplishments, and luxurious vacations all in the name of making your old bully classmates envy you. Sparking debates will gain you extra points.

Twitter is like a rest stop for undiagnosed selective Tourette’s syndrome patients. You are allowed to share senseless outburst tweets, random self-inflicting defamation tweets, and erratic vent sessions while claiming you are simply practicing honest life transparency tweets. You are only allotted 140 characters at a time. Unlike Facebook, on Twitter you have “followers.” Twitter users usually receive the breaking news first, even before CNN.com. You will often here people say things like, “Who died? I don’t believe you. Let me go check my twitter timeline.” Sure, the news is not always credible, but it sure does give you some laughs. A couple of celebrities have even been cyber killed and had to log on to their twitter accounts to let their fans know that it was just a rumor. As you can see, every single tweet is life changing. It is highly recommended that we store our thoughts from the anger, emotional, drab days.

Instagram started out as a mobile photo-sharing application. The newest social networking tool allows you to take pictures of food from outings, create collages of self-portrait only exposing your best photogenic side, and inundate the application with pictures of your kids in every possible scenario. You can even use the special effects to help erase blemishes and red eye so you can join the Hollywood world with the complex lies known as airbrush.

So, you see, if you are not using the proper social network site the experience can become annoying. If you are out with friends, upload your pictures to instagram. If you are newly engaged, share this epic occasion on Facebook through the marital status update.  I’m sure your high school sweetheart would just love that little tidbit. But, you could also upload a picture of the big diamond on instagram and then share the photo with Facebook and Twitter because it’s all linked. Remember, Facebook acts as the soundboard/switchboard helping us filter only those noteworthy events in life to the masses, leaving out all the bad stuff. Just don’t over load the system with your great life.

Pay close attention to this one. Never, ever, under any circumstances, log on to Facebook if you are heavily intoxicated! We all know that the alcohol stimulated self will tell the absolute truth. Not only will this lead to you being deleted and blocked by many, it may leave your Facebook page deactivated from your own shame. Twitter is better equipped to handle that type of drunken communication and you may even gain more followers from this display of nonsense. Just make sure you don’t have your Twitter linked to your Facebook account.

In order for us all to get the validation and attention we need, we must follow the rules. Are you following? How hard can this be?