Day 5 - The Day You First Fell In Love
During a previous challenge, I tackled this topic in a blog here. I can't say there was a particular day that I can recall that I realized he had my heart. Even though I believe that blog pretty much sums it all up, I have something to add.
Love is not an easy thing to attain. Once we find it we should try to hold on to it. If you can't hold on to it, try to keep it near. That is what I tried to do. I knew I couldn't continue to be in a relationship with this person, but I couldn't help wanting him near. I hear what people say, "never go backward, " and such. I don't live by that philosophy, especially when it comes to him. Call me what you like. Love doesn't happen every other year or week. Well, not for me.
When we first broke up in 2009, I thought I wasn't going to survive. I don't know how I made it through that year. Friends were there to comfort me, while others looked on baffled that I even cared for him to those depths. Yeah. A so-called friend even tried him out after we broke up and she couldn't get why I was so devastated saying shit like, "it wasn't all that." Like I wrote in another one of my blogs, fingerprint love, you wouldn't understand. What you think is no big deal, was my world, for a time. How could you claim to gaze upon our love and understand its complexity?! The audacity! His sex, his mind, his laugh, his cute frown can not be seen the way I saw it. Just writing this blog makes me feel teary, and this love was first birthed in 2007/2008. Like Raheem DeVaughn's song, "love drug," it's an addiction. You know what happens with any addiction, right?! I was addicted to trying to reach that love high we once had, but we couldn't fly any higher. Not in this lifetime. You have to take it one day at a time. You are never completely clean. Was I really crazy to try it again? Maybe. It was that good to me.
Just wanted to clear that up. I don't care how I looked. I don't care about your opinion of him. I don't care. I will always love him. I just have to love him from over here. He is not capable of giving me what I need. And, I love the fact that I know that now. I love me.
*I know he is behind the camera of the pic above. That moment was captured. This pic is proof that our love was real. I was there. It happened.
9 people feelin' some type of way:
This is such a beautiful picture of you. It's wonderful that you were able to experience that type of love.
That's right Boo!!! You don't need NO one's approval. I thought HE was crazy...not you. LOL
You know I know how that works, so I can't say JACK but that I'm proud of you for realizing that ending a relationship doesn't mean you stop loving them...it just mean you stop expecting a union to work any further. True love doesn't die anyway...it's tucked neatly between "Hello" and "I remember". <3
True indeed. I still got love for that dude.
i agree with Kali i couldn't convey that in my blog today...too painful right now but i feel everything you said sis
*BIG HUGS*
I remember our conversations revolving around this very topic...
I've learned that everything ain't for everybody's understanding. You loved him. You knew why. Anybody got a problem with that, screw 'em.
Awwwwwwwwww... No one will never understand but you.. That is the sad part of love.. Reading this made me start thinking.. Now I have to walk away for a sec and cry..
@Budda: I'm so glad you understood. :)
@Andrew: Thanks. (((((big hug)))))
@Maria: So true. It's like if people don't get it, they erase it.
@Tracy: I'm so sorry I made you cry. I hope that cry was a nice cleansing cry though. Ain't nothing wrong with crying. Let it out. Better out than in. (((((((big hug))))))
It's a very nice picture.
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